Foot in mouth

When I was married, my now ex-husband, whenever I had diarrhea of the mouth, meaning I let everything just stroll out of my mouth, would say to me, “think, then speak.” While I completely resented him for bringing this fault, albeit innocent, to light, I took it to heart. That was, oh, maybe 20 some odd years ago. Today, whenever I let my tongue just stroll out for a walk, I find I beat myself up. Why did I say that? Was it necessary? Why why why? Stupid stupid stupid! I cringe. I hate myself. Of course it’s fleeting, and I forgive myself, but why do I do this? It causes so much unnecessary stress, self hatred and worse – all I think about is if I hurt anyone. Criticism can be useful, especially if it’s meant to push an idea or situation forward. But damn, I want my words to be helpful, not hurtful. Hi! Beating myself up as per usual.