Author Archives: sillybea

I have many. And I’m asking the universe – what gives? What’s the lesson? Do they think I have it “together” so they seek me out? I’m a crumbling mess. Don’t they know? Or am I so guarded that they don’t see it? Maybe? I need/want support. Damn, I feel bad for my therapist. InContinue reading “Toxic friends”

Working, prepping, giving, preparing, giving giving giving. Holy hell I need something back! I keep looking up at the sky and wonder when do I get something to fuel ME? F#ck I give up. No ones listening. Hello? Helllloooooo????

Why am I so stressed out? Job, looking for a job, bills, partner, blah blah blah…etc. I’m sick and tired of my cortisol levels being at an all time high. I always have a feeling of impending doom – like the shoe is about to drop kick me into an even higher fight or flightContinue reading “Why am I stressed all the time?”

I’m happy my father is dead. He was a worthless grifter. Stole from everyone, including his children. He died during the pandemic. There’s something to be said about death allowing you to let go of all the pain, loss, rejection and isolation. So why do I still cry when watching a child and father haveContinue reading “Have you ever been happy that someone is dead?”

Life happens.

Quit bitching. Quit complaining. Quit feeling sorry for myself. Quit being tired. Quit drinking. Quit smoking. Days like today, I want to throw the towel in. Everything seems hard. Going to rest and pray for a better day tomorrow. Peace 💫

I’ll never have a baby. I’ve never had a wedding. What part of the universe/God decided this?

What do you do? Ignore the bastards? Play fake? I want to rip their faces off.

I entered a job by accident. In my field. It was a WOW moment. Wow! I got a job in my field! Holy crap! I was truly elated to receive the opportunity and never for one second took it for granted. I worked my ass off, fearing I was indeed a fraud and that they’dContinue reading “Getting Let Go”

I’m too chicken to kill myself, but I don’t see a point to living. Yeah, I could find a sliver of hope, try to lift myself up, but what’s the use?